Never felt so excited to click on a 'SUBMIT' button before. & immediately after I've done that, worry sets in and I start to panic mildly. This sense of uncertainty and anticipation is rather horrid yet enlightening. Because this time, I do not have control over what'll happen eventually. How unnerving.
Anyway.
I'll miss 2009. But I look forward to 2010. The change I've been looking forward to is finally just round the corner, and I can't tell if it's going to be for the better or worse yet, but I sure hope it's going to be exciting.
And don't worry, I WON'T FORGET YOU MY DEAR FRIENDZ. (just drop me an sms/email once in a while to remind me of who you are HAHA okay I kid)
Have an amazing 2010 (:
OMG IT'S SNOWING!!!
(in my gmail inbox)
I was more excited about Christmas one month before than I am right now - just three days before The Merry Day.
Why do YOU YOU AND YOU have to take all the joy out of giving and eating and merry-making!!!
(& you know you've gone crazy when you start talking to your essays.)
Anyhow, Sydney was pretty great. Being overseas and taking a breather from everything else is Generally Good, even if I'm put on some random kayak to nowhere - I am happy. Loved the sand-boarding, though it meant sand everywhere (in the pockets, hair, eyes, mouth, shirt etc). Food was good! Fantastic Japanese restaurant just opposite the hotel - which we only discovered on the second last day. The cousins are seriously crazy; they get crazier as they grow older. Can you imagine getting bullied by a five-year-old!!! Omg if my brother ever pulled my hair like that I'd make sure he has no more hair.
Haha, I kid.
One day, I'm going to own a house by the beach in some obscure corner of the world where NO ESSAYS CAN TOUCH ME.
This should give me the strength to PRESS ON.
Isn't it funny how we can easily rattle off the things we don't mean and immediately wish we could take back, yet it's excruciatingly difficult to say the things we mean the most to the people who matter so much? Don't know what to say, how to say it, when to say it. Maybe things would have been different if it had been said, and not selfishly kept to the heart.
So class chalet probably provided me with more closure than did farewell assembly and graduation night. Talked to people, stared into the night and pondered. I remain grateful for the amazing friends I've met, and pray very hard that this is just the beginning of 10000-year friendships.
Sometimes I wish I could be less wary, more believing. I wish I had made more mistakes, experienced more heartaches. Barriers do not protect, they allow for indifference. And that is a greater failure than feeling, hurting and loving.
At this point of time I have no right to be disappointed or upset. Sure, things could have been better but they could have been worse too. So I'm thankful for how they were, and can only hope that college life will be as amazing, if not more amazing than the past two years were.
Everything began with promises - of excitement, friendships and opportunities. Two years on, everything ends with more promises - to forgive, remember, forget and to keep in touch.
So it's back to pondering and procrastinating over apps. I'd very much like to complain about the entire process and how dreary and tiring it is, but it's actually given me a lot of perspective. Here I am forced to reflect reflect reflect.
The As are over (what is bio mcq?) and I can't wait to rip November off my noticeboard. I like December and January - they are my favourite months of the year. Consolidation, celebration, new beginning, moving on. Christmas is no more a dream but an impending Reality now. This means shopping, eating and travelling - see why I love Dec so much?
I want my life to be filled with more moments. I don't want it to just be one long arduous journey with occasional highlights. You know how when you think back about the past year there will be occasions that immediately come to mind? These are moments, precious ones because you don't get them very often. Casually, I can't think of any moments this past year. Yes it's been filled with lessons learnt but hardly any moments.
That aside it's hard to believe that I'll probably be unable to talk to people I see in school everyday as frequently ever again. But I know the friends I'll keep in touch with for a long long time, and that probably matters most for now.
TWENTY EIGHT DAYS TO CHRISTMAS HEEHEEHEE.
I MISS JC LIFE ALR.
(or at least the fun bits)
sigh sigh sigh
Today I wonder if it's right to do something half-heartedly, at all.
Yeah sure - I'm tired. I don't want it very much anyway. I'm busy! It isn't very significant, anyway. But what if someone else is tired as well? Someone else wants it so badly? Someone needs you. Someone's life can change.
We can't stop being selfish, can we. We can't stop living for ourselves. At least it's good to know that while we're living our lives, some are trying so hard to make a difference to others'. It's good to know that people are still singing, giving and loving.
(My brother is studying so hard for the first time in his life I am shocked appalled incredulous SO SHOCKED)
Sunrise of Your Smile - Michael Card
Reject the wordly lie that says,
That life lies always up ahead,
Let power go before control becomes a crust around your soul,
Escape the hunger to possess,
And soul-diminishing success,
This world is full of narrow lives,
I pray by grace your smile survives.
For I would wander weary miles,
Would welcome ridicule, my child,
To simply see the sunrise of your smile,
To see the light behind your eyes,
The happy thought that makes you fly,
Yes, I would wander weary miles,
To simply see the sunrise of your smile.
Now close your eyes so you can see,
Your own unfinished memories,
Now open them, for time is brief,
And you'll be blessed beyond belief,
Now glance above you at the sky,
There's beauty there to blind the eye,
I ask all this then wait awhile,
To see the dawning of your smile.
Places things in perspective, really. Too overwhelming, the gratitude and hope and expectations.
Thank you Mrs T.
Fell asleep for 3 hours, but you know what:
IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I STILL RETAIN MY RIGHT TO REST W/O FEELING GUILTY EVEN THOUGH PRELIMS ARE PRACTICALLY STARING AT ME IN THE FACE.
Sigh x3, seniors are flying off to their new exciting lives; when will my new exciting life begin! :O :O :O
